Thursday, May 11, 2006
i'm a screw up.
and i dunno why i bloody hell couldnt present just now.
it's so not me.
i literrally choked on my words.
i'm like the ONLY one in class that CHOKE on her words.
FUCK.
i had a coughing fit after tt sia.
and my english is getting worse.
i get this feeling that i'm the worst in class.
its like everyone else's english is WAY better than mine.
they understand big words and i dont.
they understand the contexts when i either take a longer time or dont.
dont try comforting cos i'm a pessimist.
so what if i can write better than i speak?
isnt law mostly about speaking too?
sometimes i wonder how the hell did i get a B3 for english.
i'm afraid that i cant make it.
i dont wanna disappoint my parents.
the expenses for me alone cost them a bomb.
i'm not as rich as most of them in class.
my dad earns less than $1 500.
do ur math.
it's not enough.
cos my mum....
nvm.
i shop.
but only for stuff that are on sale.
i cant afford branded stuff like they can.
maybe to you 40 is little.
but to me it's quite a lot.
and i dont wanna feel useless like always do.
well..
maybe i am indeed useless.
i can never get anything right.
i am always getting ppl into trouble cos of me.
i dont wanna feel like this in tt stupid class.
i miss 4/4 real bad.
at least i get along with almost everybody.
not like now.
sometimes i just feel so left out.
its like they have their own little jokes and wont fill me in.
they just dont get me.
they dont even noe me.
i can open up.
but not to them just yet.
i need time.
but i cant relate to them.
i just cant click.
we can be friends.
but i dont see myself being myself when i'm with them.
maybe it's the social gap.
i find some of them a little too girly.
maybe cos i'm too used with being ard ppl tt are rough?
i havent hit anyone yet lar.
maybe if i hit them they'll nvr talk to me again.
it's like i cant even be sacarstic or honest let alone blunt.
they wont understand.
i can be funny.
but my sense of humor is lame and sacarstic.
how do you expect me to be funny when i cant be sacarstic?
when i'm sacarstic i'm not sporting?
and when i'm lame i bet they'll think tt i'm being stupid.
and sometimes when they find something funny i find it stupid.
so what do you want me to do??
i dunno.
maybe cos sacians have different charactors than others?
then what?
i need to adapt to them?
i tried.
but i simply cant.
meiqi asked me to go out with her AGAIN.
which part of " i get sick of ppl easily " doesnt she get??
argh.
mich gets it!!
lolx.
i miss you sweetie!
i dont think i really got over her.
at least she gets me sometimes.
i dont get nervous when i'm with her anymore.
hah.
i scare guys away cos i'm rough and obnoxious?
i am not as pretty or sweet or cute or hot as other girls i hang out with.
i got no character too.
i am only kiddy cute rite?
and i'm only like your sister right?
it's ok.
i dont need one right now.
i cant imagine myself being attached to a guy, let alone a girl.
just let my feelings for you be a secret of mine forever.
cos i'll never tell you.
it'll be akward.
i liked you and will always do.
there's no way that i'll ever totally get over you.
in front of you and everyone else...
we are just friends.
cant wait for another 4/4 outing!
you dont need to understand.
you'll never understand me.
stories of my life. 8:07 PM;
